SEX, LIES AND NO VIDEOTAPE

Oh, where shall I begin. This post goes out to the mother-fucker who started this and those that added to the myth. Yes myth, legend, tall tale, fiction, fable.......

I was thoroughly enlightened last evening by a kind, intelligent man, who just wanted to know the reasoning behind my out of control behaviour. "Huh? What?" Well. It seems that I've been running rampant the last few years and he just wanted to understand why I would do that. Apparently, I've lost weight, left my husband, fucked up my job and turned into a wino slut. After much discussion, I got the basics and wow, I've been having a FANTASTIC time!

Apparently, you simply have to toss a few drinks down my throat and I'll be on my knees, orally pleasing you in no time. At least they had the good grace to say I was extraordinary - gosh, thanks guys. The story continues that I've been suspended for my bad behaviour and I'm not allowed to consume alcohol at work. Names were named.

Shall we begin the de-bunking?

Okay, you scum-sucking pieces of shit. I lost weight. Big fucking deal. Does it intimidate you now that I'm more attractive. I walk with confidence, because I feel good. Did I reject your advances? I can't imagine why, but the body change seems to have triggered this nonsense. I had marital trouble well over a year ago. It's sorted out and we're happy AND we fuck. Alot.

I have never been suspended or reprimanded for anything besides leaving early one night three years ago. This is so off-base that the person who was said to have suspended me isn't even my boss!

Now, on to the boys that I've been pleasing. Well, the first one is a very close friend that quite possibly may have saved my life. The tale is that he broke up my marriage. No. He DID help me save my marriage. However, I have never fucked, nor sucked him. I do speak affectionately and publically about him and will continue to do so until I choose otherwise. There isn't anyone that can get me to censor my feelings or words. Fuck you for trying.

Next up to my mouth is another dear friend. We have been buddies for over 15 years - damn near forever. We are as far from sexual with each other as any two people can be. In case you can't fathom that, here's a visual: We are literally the last of our species. We are now responsible for propagating the human race. We look at each other and simultaneously say "EWWWWWWWWW". But the burden is still there. We try again. We have martinis - lots of them. We wait for dark. We watch some porn and then lean in for that start-up kiss......................................forget it . Cockroaches can take over. We just can't. Double ewwww.

Contestant number three is a man I barely know. Hasn't been here in 2-3 years. Don't know exactly because I don't care. I'm pretty sure that I've never sat down and had a conversation with him. Don't care to really. I don't find him funny or interesting. I'm not drawn to him in any way, professionally or personally. All I have is a whole bunch of "don't give a fuck".

This next one is a doozy. Someone had to get really creative to pair us up. I don't like this man. He doesn't like me. I have a history of not getting along with him. He hasn't been here in years, in fact, he's on asnother continent! Wow, long distance blowjobs. I'm good.

These are enough examples to illustrate the absurdity of the situaton. I do see a pattern though. Three of these men are American and one is Canadian, living abroad. It would seem that I like to keep my distance. I guess that way I can have variety. If I'm as good as they say, they would be clamouring for more and I'd never get to the next dick.

So here's the best part. All of my supposed raunchy behaviour, was actually conducted by two women I know. The men listed have been with one and in some cases, both of these ladies. The work and marriage situations - all very close to their realities. Somewhere along the way, I have absorbed all of their reputations and lives. I find this fascinating. How? I know comics are creative creatures, with too much time on their hands and copious amounts of booze and drugs in their systems, but jesus fuck! How do you meld three women into one? And besides, they're brunettes! I'm a freaking redhead! How do you ever confuse that?

A question was thrown to me after these revelations. "Have you noticed that you're getting alot more attention?" Well yes, I have. I thought it was because I looked and felt great, am kind and warm, wickedly funny and inappropriate and people like that. I've always had to struggle with the idea that people were nice to me because of my position and were sucking up. Let's just chip away a little more at my confidence. Now I have to doubt it all. The attention may be because they've "heard" and want in on the action. Nice. I like that alot. I can recall one recent incident when that was clearly the case. At least I got that mystery cleared up.

So now what to do? Some will say leave it alone, it'll go away. The more I protest, the louder it'll get. Well, that doesn't sit right with me. I will not lay back (no pun intended) and let these losers destroy me or my reputation. I have lived my life in a manner that I'm not ashamed of. These slanderous accusations cannot and will not go unanswered. And quite frankly, even if I had done these things, who gives a fuck? When did these people become the moral police? I'd like to put their lives under a microscope and see how they fair. The fact that good people, people that are my friends are hearing this and believing it, might just possibly be the hardest thing to understand and absorb. Does this really sound like me? Are we all (myself included) so thirsty for a good story that we buy this without asking questions? It is sad, so sad and now I have to step back and think about the rumours/stories I've heard of others and believed carte blanche. Shame on all of us.

This, along with another ongoing saga (I maywrite about that as well), have really made me question this industry. I have been passionate about the way that I run my club and treat everyone I work with, comics and staff alike. It currently appears that this was all for not. If something doesn't change and I mean quickly, it will be time to look at something else. I don't want to become the person that I feel like today. Bitter, jaded, angry and hurt.

I will try my best to get to the bottom of this, although I doubt I ever will. I welcome all input, in the comments or email. If you have information, have heard these rumours (and don't be afraid to hurt my feelings - I NEED to hear everything, good or bad) or simply have an opinion, feel free to express it.

Consider this matter out in the open. Secrets breed lies. In order for anyone to continue this fairytale, they'll have to do it with the knowledge that I know. Look me in the face, or identify yourself and ask me, if you dare. I know the truth and perhaps soon others will too.

D.