ETERNAL LIFE

It's 4:28AM and it seems like it never happened. Bono and Edge and Adam were mere feet away from me. I tried to burn that mental picture into my head, but these few short hours later, it's gone. It's the same as when I gave birth. I know it happened, but it's not real (my wonderful teenage daughter must have been dropped off by the stork, or perhaps an angel, because I assure you she is real). How could I not remember every minute detail of events such as these? Monumental moments in my estimation.

I really concentrated at the concert on making a permanent postcard in my head. The defining moments that should never leave you - but they're gone. I'm left with a lingering memory, a feeling, that's all. BUT WHAT A FEELING! I can't come down. I was so drained when it finally ended, but the euphoria eventually took over and I am forever scarred, in a good way of course.

I did it. I lasted in an environment that is so foreign to me. And I did it by myself, since my friend departed the insanity that is the front of the stage shortly into the evening. And I would do it again. In fact, I think I have to. There isn't a drug or a drink that can mimic that experience. What a trip! So much physical discomfort, so out of my element, such a challenge to see it through. I can't forget the feeling when it was over. Sheer and utter exhaustion, body broken and battered, pushed past it's usual limitations, dehydration that was was staggering, yet I stuck it out. I was a part of the seething masses that sang and danced and surged to the stage.

I probably only let go at that level because there was no one who knew me. I could be whatever I wanted. I crave that kind of abandonment again. That's the person that I've been trying to be. It was very uncomfortable for me, in ways that only I could know, but I did it anyway.

Damn, I may never sleep again. I declared this evening that it's time to get my tattoo. Why? Because I can do anything. One more fear to conquer.

The best part of all of this is that I'm doing it for me and not one single other soul on this planet. My typical declaration of "It's all about me" has been well documented, but this time and for the first time, it really is.

Thanks U2.

D.