RASBERRY BERET

My friend Jill wrote a post today that refers to a misdiagnoses by numerous psychiatrists a few years back. How timely of her to bring that up.

I have recently been a victim of armchair psychiatry, which is the deadliest form. I want to thank the collective "them" that got to the bottom of my happiness and promptly turned it into depression. My quality of life is so much better now that I sleep 12 hours a day, don't get dressed or groom in any way, ignore family, avoid friends, skip all social activities, dismiss responsibilites, watch television and eat junk food. Thank you so much for saving me from myself. I really am grateful that I don't have to walk around exuding all that joie de vive, which made everyone so uncomfortable. I look much better in this lovely shade of gray. And knowing that the caring souls performed this rescue from a place of love is all the more settling. It may help me sleep tonight - oh wait, no problems there.

Sincerely,

The Person Formerly Known As Denise

MISSION STATEMENT

This is my official statement:

I see the error of my ways and have let go of all that nonsensical happiness. I will endeavour to be unhappy, unfulfilled and stressed out, because I want to fit in. If I accidently stumble across some of the aforementioned H word, I will reject it with all the heartiness I can muster.

Sincerely,

D.

SKIDDING IN SIDEWAYS

Over the last few years, on this wonderful tool we call the internet, an email has crossed my path over and over again. I've always enjoyed it, but recently have come to appreciate it's simplistic message - live your life. Given that I have no recall skills whatsoever, I only remember the phrase "skidding in sideways", which refers to the end of your life.

I don't need to die with my machine in pristine shape. I need to keep it viable, in decent running order, so that I'm not forced to be housebound, watching Wheel of Fortune and re-runs of Friends. Oh, the horror of it! But that's it. Anything beyond that is just excess. I would never use it, so why have it??

Sleep is a beautiful thing, but I will consistently abuse the honour of some shut eye because I don't want to miss anything. I'll sleep another day. In fact, the perfect sleep is the one I have after much time without it. That moment that I lay my weary head down and sigh and drift away with a smile on my face, is the most satisfying moment known to me. You will know I have given up on life if you ever hear me say, "No, I can't come/stay because I need my 8 hours". Horseshit! If you don't have the stamina to keep up with me, cool, but don't expect me to encourage you. Besides, there's always someone around.

I am a party girl. No big surprise to anyone. I am many things, but this is the one the public knows best. I am constantly judged because of this. I've often thought that I should grow up and ??????? That's where I get stuck. I AM grown up. I am a wife, a mother, a career woman, a friend, a lover, a mentor. Who the hell ever got to decide that I can't be who I really, truly am. I'm not doing anyone any good, including myself, if I choose to ignore that and follow the rules of living that were laid out by someone that never consulted me. I won't fight it anymore. Some people prefer healthy pursuits, but they're not for me. I am happy and solid and I love my life. I absolutely will not explain or defend myself any longer. If you want to be a home-body who knits, that's your perogitive and doesn't affect me in the least. I meet people from all walks of life in my world. I can pick and choose my companions depending on my needs of the moment. I can have silly, frivolous conversations, intelligent ones, absurd ones, nostalgic ones, sad ones and even those deep, meaningful ones that some seem so fond of. ( I actually quite enjoy those given they're with the right person. I just don't need them aaaaaaaall the time.) In my world of social butterfly, I have the opportunity to bring all of who I am to the table if I choose to and perhaps make a difference. Sound a little lofty for a chardonnay swilling tart? Not at all. The reactions to me can range from a giggle to dismay, to a life-altering experience and all things in between. For those that frown on my lifestyle, can you say that? And hey, at least I tryed.

The goal which I have embraced and aspire to, is to use it all up. At the end of my days on Earth, I want to be seen broken and battered, with a huge smile on my face, skidding in sideways. And that's as perfect as it gets - for me.

D.