OUT DAMN GERMS - OUT

So it seems the "Skip the country to avoid getting a job" tour has been delayed. My temple has been invaded with the meanest, most heartless, unsavoury little creatures known to man - germs. Specifically, the common cold.

Now to most of you more pedestrian people, being afflicted with this would not be newsworthy. You're sick every five minutes. Although some of you still deny it, I do take a mental note every time you whine of the sniffles, so quit yer lying. Me getting sick however, is catastrophic. It doesn't happen. Sure, I feel like ass quite frequently, but that's from my own doing.

I have said loud and long that germs don't have a prayer in my body. There is so much alcohol in it, pervading not just my blood stream, but all of my internal organs and quite obviously, my brain as well. The moment one of these buggers tries to wriggle it's nasty little self into my system, WHAM! Tequila steps in and puts it's lights out. Adios Senor. Better luck in the next host. But I've been so-called "behaving" myself lately. I think my blood alcohol content may have finally dipped below the legal limit, which these relentless bastards saw as an opportunity to wrestle with my immune system. Nevermind the Nyquil - BARTENDER!

Much has been said about eating right, getting lots of sleep, exercising, not smoking and of course, moderation in alcohol consumption. I'm officially calling bullshit. I've always poo-pooed the theory, but now I am the proof.

In this dynamic new life I'm leading, I have managed to ditch my silly way of eating (you know the one where I lost 50lbs. and had energy and vitality to spare) and go back to the well-rounded way of eating that so many wise ones espouse. Well, of course there is a price to pay for joining the masses. For me that would be 15 new lbs. (so far) and minimal energy. Oh and I mustn't forget that fog in my head that is ever-present. Gosh, I missed it. All that clarity I had really sucked. Now, which of these foods is supposed to ward off sickness?

Exercise. Hmmm. My nemisis. I've heard that it is a vital ingredient to a long and heathy life, but so far have never experienced it's power and joy. It is supposed to release these wunder-things called endorphins?! All it releases for me is sweat. I'm not a big fan of sweat. It makes my hair frizzy and my face blotchy. Not seeing the big benefits in that. Increased energy? Huh? I personally have always had the ability to lay down and nap immediately after a workout, especially during the stretching phase. Really, I think you people make this shit up. It's clear to me that you're all masochists and use exercise as an excuse to abuse yourself and not seem freaky to the general public. Or perhaps, you're all in on some huge prank to see if you can get me to do it. Either way, I'm not playing along. Quit crowing to me about all this working out nonsense. Really, I've heard it before.

Sleep has been addressed here previously. It's so ridiculous that I sleep more now than ever before, yet this is the time I will be layed out with an illness. Honestly, it pains me. Sleep is lovely and warm - sometimes. Just not now. Since I have nothing pressing, sleep has become a chore. It is not the pleasent respite it use to be and has in fact, become boring. I try to make it happen within reasonable people's hours, but it's not co-operating. I have reverted to hours that are obscene to almost everyone on a North American schedule. Don't even get me started on the nightmares I've been having. Although I've never been a fan of perscription drugs, sleep aids are starting to look good to me.

Smoking is good and makes me happy - FUCK OFF. Nuff said.

And I want some American Spirits, dammit.

Now I'm off to blode my node. America can wait.

D.

P.S. Hot tubs are bad, well good, but bad.